by Jennifer | Feb 25, 2019 | Feelings
My grace is sufficient for you.
~2 Corinthians 12:9
A gentle rain fell as the day broke free from the night’s darkness. I curled up by the fire and sipped my coffee, pondering the hours ahead. “God, I’ve got to attend an event today that is emotionally challenging. I’m anxious about it,” I said.
“What exactly makes you anxious?” God asked softly.
“I’m afraid people will talk about me behind their backs. That they will put me down. I’m afraid some people there don’t like me,” I said truthfully.
“Sounds like you’re trying to protect your ego,” God answered.
“That’s true. I am.”
“Do you remember how Jesus coped with people’s negative opinion of Him?” God asked me. “He didn’t let other’s opinions disturb Him because He didn’t forget who He was,” God explained. “I’ll be with you. If you get overwhelmed, reach out for my hand,” God whispered. “I’ll remind you that you are mine! Go, enjoy yourself, and let your light shine!”
I smiled at the thought of God and I walking into the event holding hands, His love burning bright inside of me. I looked out the window and the clouds were scattering, leaving in their wake the soft hints of a blue sky. “I’ll go and forget about my ego. I’ll go and be a living conduit of your love.”
“Atta girl, Sparrow,” God said and gave me a quick hug.
by Jennifer | Feb 22, 2019 | Feelings
Were not our hearts burning within us?
~Luke 24:18
The sun lifted her face above the horizon, casting a golden glow across the meadow. I pulled on my coat and went out to greet the new day and to pray. “God, I get discouraged sometimes. Life can get so chaotic, filled with negativity,” I said.
“Keep your eyes on me,” God answered. “Recognize me in everything and you’ll rise above the chaos and confusion.”
“But I can’t always see you,” I confessed.
“Your stories blind you,” God said gently. He rested His hand upon my shoulder. “Like the disciples on the road to Emmaus. They couldn’t recognize Jesus because they were stuck in their story of His demise, unable to see who was standing right in front of them!”
“But deep inside, they knew Him, even if they couldn’t see it was Him, couldn’t they?” I asked.
“Yes, their hearts burned for Him,” God replied.
“I’ll remember that this burning in my heart is evidence that you are always here and I’ll do my best to let go of my negative stories so that I can see you in everything.”
A finch in the pear tree began to sing, filling my heart with joy. “I hear you and I see you this morning, God,” I said, as the bird and its song fanned the flames in my heart.
God pulled me to Him in a warm embrace. We stood there together and watched and listened as His world up.
by Jennifer | Jan 14, 2019 | Feelings
Love is the greatest.
1 Corinthians 13:13
The afternoon felt heavy. An ominous malaise settled down over me. Nothing felt good or right. I pulled on my coat and scarf and pushed open the door, hoping that a gentle walk would lift my spirits. I walked through the meadow, by the tall trees, and listened to their leaves applauding the day on the breeze. Somewhere off in the distance, a farmers dog barked excitedly. The sun did her best to warm my body, but my heart was cold as stone.
“God, can you please help me?” I prayed under my breath with each step I took. “I’m discouraged.”
“Here, take my hand,” God replied and began walking with me. “What seems to be troubling you? Tell me all about it.”
I shared with God the heartaches I’d kept to myself lately. They tumbled out of me fast and furious—tears joining them as I spoke. When I finished, God hugged me. “I’m here for you,” He said. I wiped my nose on my coat sleeve.
“Thank you,” I replied through my sniffles.
“I love you, my sweet Sparrow,” He said softly. We walked the rest of the way in silence, me holding His hand tightly. When we got back to the cottage, I put another log on the fire and cozied up on the chaise. All I had needed to banish my blues was to know that I am loved.
by Jennifer | Sep 18, 2018 | Feelings
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
~Psalm 23:1
The cottage was cold when I woke up; I threw a sweater over my shoulders and made my way to the kitchen. A stew would be good tonight, I thought to myself. I poked around in the fridge and found the vegetables I wanted—parsnips, turnips, carrots, onions, sweet potatoes, and rutabagas—along with some grass-fed beef. I took my time peeling and chopping everything, savoring the quiet of the morning.
Hours later, I was curled up on the chaise lounge working, when the stew’s heady aroma found its way to me. It reminded me of fall, of gathering together to share a meal. A melancholy welled up in me. I missed my children. “God, I’m a bit lonely,” I said. “I’m cooking a gorgeous stew and there isn’t anyone to share it with.” God started to reply but a knock on my kitchen door interrupted Him. “Coming!” I hollered down the hall. I opened the door to find Tom, my elderly neighbor. I motioned for him to come inside.
“Whatever that is cooking sure smells good,” he said, as he took his hat off.
“Would you like to come by later and join me for dinner?” I asked.
“I wouldn’t be an imposition?” he asked, twisting his cap in his hands.
“Heavens no. I’d love the company,” I said. “But what can I do for you now? Did you stop by for anything in particular?”
“No, not really. I was driving by and something made me want to stop in and see how you are doing,” he said. I smiled because I knew who had sent him.
“Thank you,” I said to both Tom and God. I opened the lid on the crockpot and stirred the stew, looking forward to setting the table for two.
by Jennifer | Aug 28, 2018 | Feelings
For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—
His eternal power and divine nature—
have been clearly seen…
~Romans 1:20
I laced up my hiking boots and set out to walk the woods just beyond the property line. The sun had not yet climbed high enough to warm the earth, the night’s chill was still present.
“Where are you going this morning, Sparrow?” God asked.
“Walking in the woods,” I answered.
“I’ll join you,” God whispered through the trees. We walked on, following a deer path that carved through the underbrush. As we made our way uphill, God pointed out things I’d have otherwise missed. “Look there,” He said. Off to my right was a tiny paper wasp nest that had fallen from a tree. I picked it up gently to take back home with me. Farther uphill God pointed to a sunbleached jawbone of a deer. “Life and death happens here in the forest,” He said. I nodded, not wanting to break the still silence of the woods. We walked on, as the sun rose higher. “Do you see that?” God said as we passed by the creek. There on the banks was evidence that a bear had recently visited the rushing water. And farther uphill, God pointed out colorful lichen that laced the boulders next to the path. When we finally arrived at the top of the ridge, we stopped. Beyond us, as far as the eye could see, were the foothills of the Sierra Mountains.
“They’re beautiful,” I said and leaned my head against God’s shoulder. We stood there for quite some time, taking in the grandeur of the terrain. “I’d like to write about this morning—the sweetness of your company, the beauty of your creation,” I said, “But I’m not sure how to capture the feelings.”
“You’ll find the words,” God said.
“I hope so,” I said and turned to make my way back to the cottage to tell you that about my walk with our Father, in hopes that you’d be inspired to walk with Him, too.
by Jennifer | Jun 8, 2018 | Feelings, Grief
“Awake, Lord! Why do you sleep? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever.”
~Psalm 44:23
Outside a bird is singing, its voice a new addition to the garden—I’ve never heard this song before. It’s a small cry, like the mewing of a frightened kitten. It makes me think of the Psalms of lament; the plaintive wails of troubled souls. Like the bird, I lift my voice up to God. “Have you forgotten me, Father, for today has been an arduous journey,” I moan. Tears that I’ve held at bay no longer can I hold—they spill down my face in rivers of grief and pain.
The bird flies off and all that I am left with is the gentle sound of the breeze rustling through the oak trees. All that remains is the promise of God, and on that, I must rely. A finch breaks the spell of my mourning with a song of joy. I wipe my tears and settle my breathing, knowing that outside, a bird is singing, and all is in Divine Right Order. Even my pain is in God’s glorious good hands.
