“But by the grace of God I am what I am…”
~1 Corinthians 15:10
“This isn’t who I created you to be,” God admonished me. “You are living a lie.”
I hung my head because I knew the words He spoke were true. “I’m sorry,” I said. “What can I do to get back to my authentic self?” I asked.
“Two questions,” He replied.
“What’s that? Two questions?” I asked incredulously. I thought it would be a harder task than just answering two questions.
“That’s right, just two questions,” God assured me. “Ready to hear them?”
“The first is, ‘What’s true for me?” and the second is ‘What do I really want?”
“Really? Those seem rather…” I paused, searching for the right word, “simple.”
God laughed. “Simple they are indeed, but not always easy to answer or to live.”
“I’ll ponder them later today,” I said, “When I am out in my garden.”
“It’s a good idea to ponder them every day to make sure that you are being true to yourself,” God suggested.
And so I went out into the garden and I wrote down what was true for me. Some of the things on my list surprised me. Then I wrote down the things that I really, really, wanted. Again, some of my entries surprised me. I saw how far off the mark I had gotten by being so busy and in a hurry. I saw how far off center my life had been pulled.
“Thank you, God,” I whispered. I felt God’s gentle hand on my shoulder as a breeze lifted my hair. “No more living a lie. I’ll do my best to be who you created me to be.”
I could feel God’s smile as I sat in the mid-day sun, among His beautiful flowers. I felt whole again. Happy. Contented. Totally at peace.