I pleaded three times with God to take it away from me.
~2 Corinthians 12
The night was dark and the wind, a fierce presence, blew in from the North. I leaned into the merciless gusts as I walked home. I had a lot on my mind. For years I’d prayed a particular prayer, hoping for a particular outcome of healing. But it was clear that God’s answer all these years had been “No.”
“Why won’t you give me what I pray for? I’ve asked in faith. I’ve asked in Christ’s name. I can’t think of anything more to do, really,” I said. The moon, a pale lantern of light, hung above me on the horizon. It should have been a comfort, but it was not “I’m frustrated with you, God,” I said through clenched teeth.
”I know you are,” God said over the roar of the wind.
”Well, what are you going to do about it?” I asked.
”Nothing. You’ll eventually realize that my answer is for your growth and ultimate protection.”
”Protection from what?”
”Yourself, Dear child,” God said gently.
“Your ego. It keeps you from being fully reliant on Me,” God explained.
“So, you won’t answer my prayer?” I asked.
”I am answering your prayer,” God said. “I’m answering it in a way the pulls you deeper and deeper into the mystery of me. Deeper and deeper into my protection.”
The moon’s glow cast long shadows across my path. I thought about my prayer for healing and I realized God had been healing me. He had reached down and brought my soul nearer to Him. What more could I possibly ask for?